Life, Death, and Taxonomy

“…and today we’re talking about an ant that is-ant… but more on that later.”

Somewhere between a plush toy and the insect version of a honey badger lies the velvet ant. This borderline cute cluster of pom pom balls glued together hides a surprisingly complicated security system behind its pizazz. Bright colors, weird noises, suspicious smells, and some hardware you definitely don’t want to mess with all come together to make one very difficult snack for a typical predator. But sometimes the best defense is a good defense like the velvet ant here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a deep diving elephant. But more on that later.”

The deeper you go in the ocean, the more alien it becomes… crushing pressure and oppressive darkness… It’s no place for a rotund mammal that spends several months of the year on land… but there’s food down there, and fewer things trying to eat that food. Alright, the elephant seal is convinced… he’ll dive to depths no other pinniped would dream of in Life, Death, and Taxonomy. 

“…and today we’re talking about a modern insulator… but more on that inso-later.”

“And today we’re talking about the fastest animal alive. But more on that later.”

Speed is a key stat in the animal kingdom… the peregrine falcon, the cheetah, and the sailfish all have their speed superlatives… but one bug doesn’t need to be the fastest flyer, sprinter, or swimmer… he just needs to be fastest on the draw… To spring a trap faster than your enemies can think… that’s real speed in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about the stolen valor of the insect world. But more on that later.”

Many plants rely on animals known as pollinators in order to reproduce and everyone likes pollinators—in part because plants are pretty great but also due to the fact that bees and butterflies have some pretty great PR. However, not all pollinators use the light side of the force. The dark-edged bee-fly gets the job done, but has a ruthless way of going about it. But hey, some of us need to get our hands dirty (doity) like the dark-edge bee fly here in LDT.

“And today we’re talking about a sphinx with a fascinating riddle. But more on that later.”

What happens to the very hungry caterpillar in the last pages of the book? “He stayed inside for more than two weeks,” it says… but did he really stay? Did he remain? Everyone learns about metamorphosis in school, but what actually happens inside a cocoon is so intense, it’s more like death and rebirth than transformation… still, some things persist through the biggest changes in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a sea rug that expresses deep sorrow and wretchedness, but more on that later.”

The 70s and your average coral reef have one thing in common: shag carpets are a bad idea. In either case, you need to watch where you step, because you never know what lurks underneath. The Tasselled Wobbegong spends most of its day pretending to be nothing but an unkempt rug. While most sharks waste their energy spinning their wheels and chasing after their meals, ol’ TW likes to do things the lazy way. It’s the crocodile of the reef, an ambush predator with a ridiculous amount of long-suffering. But sometimes the deadliest strategy isn’t constant effort—it’s explosive patience like the Tasselled Wobbegong here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…today we’re talking about a toothy torpedo. But more on that later.”

The leopard seal is a terrifying arctic predator. With a mouth full of teeth and a long jaw built for coming, it looks as much like a dinosaur as it does a sea mammal. Despite its efficiency as a fighter, it’s also something of a lover… singing sweet songs to its long lost mates to find them somewhere in the deep… But that’s the duality of Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a bird that knows your schedule. But not really.” 

The combination of a velociraptor and an HR manager somehow produced a pretty elegant bird with a mean left hook. The secretary bird struts across the African savanna with confidence that is definitely well-earned. Long-legged, laser-focused, and lighting-fast, this feathered fighter can shoot with the best of ‘em. But sometimes, the best defense is simply being able to kick your problems away like the Secretary Bird here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a creature that can walk forward and why that’s interesting. But more on that later.”

Two cohorts meet on a beach, marching forward to meet one another head on… both flying the same blue colors. There’s no reason to fight, in fact, they are much stronger together… the soldier crabs combine their might to become an unassailable force. As individuals, they are humble, but together they are like the flowing tides of Life, Death, and Taxonomy.