Life, Death, and Taxonomy

“..and today we’re talking about a fat baby sea bird. But more on that later.”

Out on the icy oceans of the Arctic, the Northern Fulmar floats above the waves—calm, collected, and carrying a concealed weapons permit. This bird doesn’t bluff, doesn’t bluster, and certainly doesn’t believe in backing down. Instead, it leans into a peculiar brand of defense that’s equal parts disgusting and disturbingly effective. Think less “fight or flight” and more “fight with… fluids.” It’s a slick, sinister solution to survival. But I guess war crimes don’t matter to animals like the Northern Fulmar here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a Lazerus noodle. But more on that later.”

The worst thing that can happen to a species is extinction. The balance of life and death tips towards oblivion… a corner of creation relegated to rejoin the dust. People are often the problem…but we’re getting better at finding solutions. One small wild ferret was on the brink of disaster until it was astonishingly restored to the cycle of Life, Death, and Taxonomy. 

“…and today we’re talking about a bug adoption. But more on that later.”

The insect world is a terrifying one. It’s a bug-eat-bug world out there. Some deal with it by being bigger, faster, stronger, or more numerous. Others have subtler ways of staying alive. The Mountain Alcon Blue caterpillar dons a clever disguise, not to trick the eyes but rather the heart and soul of its enemies; turning would-be predators into loyal subjects. But sometimes you just gotta know how to work the room like the Mountain Alcon Blue here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about danger from above. But more on that later.”

In the African rainforest lives the King of Trees, gliding along the canopy, seeking prey in his sky domain. His crown is slight, but not his bite. One peck sends his subjects into an eternal slumber. Leave the ground to his cobra kin… Where the competition is fierce and enemies abound. But up here in the tree tops is the perfect place for Goldie’s Tree Cobra to make a Life Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about an insect that doesn’t stay in its lane. But more on that later.”

Squirming the soil of a windswept island, lurks a many-legged menace with a taste that…raises eyebrows. It’s a wriggling, writhing ribbon of ruthless efficiency, equal parts nightmare noodle and avian scourge. While most creepy crawlies shy away from winged terrors, the Phillip Island Centipede turns the tables on them. But sometimes, the hunter must become the hunted here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a bug that is a real jokester. But more on that now.” 

Suggestion from Rowan via email

The harlequin cockroach is a little like the bus boy at an underground speakeasy. It clears a low bar. This brilliant bug is striking for its mottled pattern and interesting hues… for a creature in class that inspires revulsion in the humans that behold them. But just because your kin are drab dressers, doesn’t mean you can’t be the prettiest roach in Life Death and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a friendly sky rat. But more on that later.”

Picture a dusk-drenched desert sky where the horizon starts to move. A clear evening gives way to a tornado. But it’s not the weather, it’s a living, breathing, leathery blizzard pouring out of caverns deep within the rocky substrate. That’s right, it’s bats. Specifically, the Brazilian Free-Tailed Bats living in Southern Texas. When they get together, they really get together. It’s an airborne synchronized performance with innumerable dancers. But sticking together is one of the best ways to survive here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a cool Canadian cat. But more on that later.”

As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another. A friend can show you the way to a better you… but sometimes… so can a rival. The Canadian wilderness is the field for an eternal game of cat and hare… and arms race of snowmanship and speed on unsteady ground. The Lynx and the hare are locked in a chase that has molded both of their bodies into machines built for a frigid Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a fish that would shoot a guy in the back. But more on that later.”

Lurking in the low-lit lounge of the Pacific lies the spotted ratfish, this silvery weirdo skims the ocean floor, callously crunching crustacean carapaces. Part shark, part rabbit, part catfish thing, it glides around with the confidence of something that knows it’s packing a deeply unsettling surprise up top. A creature that proves the ocean’s design committee has a motto of “no bad ideas”, it pays to be weird in the water like the Spotted Ratfish here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about insistent incisors. But more on that later.”

A black rat finds a brick stack that blocks his way back to a food sack that helps his rat pack get a good snack.

There’s no flaw in a steady gnaw in the brick’s flaw with a rat jaw and a sharp claw.

To the rat’s glee, he is set free through a hole he made as a devotee to a chewy Life, Death, and Taxonomy.