Life, Death, and Taxonomy

“…and today we’re talking about an invading hoard that isn’t even supposed to be here. But more on that later.”

If you didn’t already, you should know that there are millions of ants living under your feet. With an estimated 20 quadrillion of these little guys on the planet, you’re never very far away from a teeming colony of coordinated insects. This is mostly thanks to the Argentine Ant, which has found a way to span the globe using peace, harmony, and aggressive imperialist and scorched earth policies. But sometimes it’s not enough to survive, you need to win here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we are talking about a tiny slimy father. But more on that later.”

Doting fatherhood is often a rarity in the animal kingdom. For most species, the lack of the maternal physical connection between fathers and offspring means that dads are relegated to nest protectors or they simply move on. But the red-backed poison dart frog is different. When his children are in need of resources, a brilliant color is not the only thing that can be found on his back. But carrying the future on your shoulders is sometimes the true test of manhood, in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a rising star in the sea. But more on that later.”

Imagine you’re swimming a casual 4000 feet below the waves in the inky blackness of the bathypelagic zone when you come across a pair of what seems like headlights. Is it a car? Is it a plane? No, it’s a squid with its brights on. The Dana Octopus Squid is a shiny fellow and isn’t afraid to let that light shine before men that they may see his squid deeds. But when you live where the sun doesn’t shine, you’ll need a light to survive here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about the Listerine dad fish. But more on that later.”

The bright and colorful coral reefs are home to a wide variety of fish, but very few can be considered decent parents. The yellowhead jawfish is, however, an exception. Taking care of kids is never easy, but try doing it without a diaper genie and, you know, hands. But this finned father has figured out a way to keep the kiddos safe and sound here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a bug-eyed pseudo bird. But more on that later.”

Arboreal creatures are built to get around in trees, and in the rainforest, that’s an extremely helpful adaptation. But what if your so great at getting around the branches that your no good on the ground. The Colugo is in such a predicament. When you can’t go down, you have to figure out a better way to stay up. Keeping your chin up and your eyes on the prize is a great way to make it in Life, Death and Taxonomy. 

“..and today we are talking about an American mammal that you might not already know about.”

If you’re a denizen of North America, you probably think you know every furry critter in these parts. You’ve got your bears, cats, wolves, and even a muskrat or two. But there is a lesser known mammalian that may lurk in the dark of your backyard in the wee small hours of the morning, that you’ve never heard of at all. The ringtail is the essence of the word critter, and yet, it’s a lesser known member of the American Animal kingdom. But learning more about a place you thought you knew is the spice of Life, Death, and Taxonomy. 

“…and today we’re talking about a rainforest weasel. But more on that later.”

It seems that, no matter where you live, you have to deal with mosquitoes. Whether you’re in the Alaskan mountains or the jungles of Panama, biting boys are everywhere. Long ago, the white nosed coati said “enough is enough” and found an ingenious way to keep those blood suckers at bay. It may not necessarily be life saving, but it is a great way to not let the bugs drive you crazy here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about an aquatic acrobat. But more on that later.”

When you’re tiny the God hands you a different set of rules than the laws of physics humans are used to. When you hear the name water springtail, you might think of a fish or maybe a deer, but it’s actually a tiny arthropod that lives on the surfaces of ponds. In this placid world, it takes some special skills to get around. But with tiny physics, you can do anything you set your little mind to, in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about an animal hacker of animals. But more on that later.”

They say the best defense is a good offense. But they rarely say the opposite. Crabs are little armored warriors scuttling around on the ocean floor, but even their rigid carapace isn’t immune to a little subterfuge. Enter the crab hacker barnacle. A sinister little worm that sets up shop and gets to work turning nature’s armored ocean bugs into their own personal breeding grounds. But when you’re a small barnacle in a big ocean, you have to use what you can to survive here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a sucker who will latch onto anything and go with it. But more on that later.”

If you see a shark, whale, or large fish gliding through the open ocean, you may see some extra passengers stuck to its flanks. The live sharksucker is a remora, a fish that freeloads off of other, bigger animals. But why grab an oceanic uber when your fins work just fine? Well, grab your towel because you gotta abide by the hitchhiker’s guide to the ocean to survive here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.