Life, Death, and Taxonomy

“And today we’re talking about a crustacean whose name sounds like an old-timey insult. ‘Hey, get back here you tongue-eating louse and I’ll give you what for!’”

Have you ever loaded your family into a big RV and taken to the open road? One undersea crustacean does something similar with its family. Only instead of the open road it’s the open ocean, and instead of a large and luxurious Winnebago, it’s a northern red snapper. It’s a big ocean for a small arthropod and hitching a ride on a wayward fish can really help them get around. But here’s the catch: they have to do something that borders on the grotesque and oceanesque to fill their bellies during their nautical adventures. But sometimes survival requires a sea parasite to get gross and gauche in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

Thanks to Oh No Lit Class for the use of the intro Joke grotesque and oceanesque of their mini show Study Breaks!

“…and today we’re talking about an animal whose name is click bait and what they smell like will shock you! But more on that later.”

When traipsing along the Mekong in Southeast Asia, you may smell the delicious scent of almonds wafting on the stagnant, humid air. While this may seem like a decadent oasis in a dangerous jungle, use caution! That almond smell may be coming from a small but deadly arthropod on the shore. The dragon millipede is a tasty treat for the jungle’s many voracious predators. So, in order to survive, it needs to cook up a fragrance that will knock ‘em dead here in Life, Death and Taxonomy.

“…And today we are talking about a slimy tube that has a vague resemblance to a nasty appendage that might shoot out of an alien at Sigourney Weaver. But more on that whenever you get a chance to look up a picture.”

Life in the mud isn’t glamorous, but, like Arnold’s character in Predator, it can make you incredibly elusive. One order of amphibians has a subterranean lifestyle that causes them to be so rarely seen, they can be difficult to study. However, researchers have unearthed a few of their secrets and what they found has made this small order of amphibia some of the strangest kids in class. But underground and offbeat are exactly the kind of creatures we’re after on Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a huge reptile that has a Salt Life bumper sticker and really isn’t into the time honored reptilian tradition of basking in the sun.”

Just like little kids at the fair, we love turtles. They’re armored, they’re scaly, and they take life slowly. However, the leatherback sea turtle takes turtleness to a different level. Down below the photic zone, a reptilian tank the size of a volkswagen beetle flies through the water eating jellyfish along its path. Since other turtles wouldn’t be able to survive at these depths, the leatherback can’t let the pressure take any skin off its back here in Life Death and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a pupper who’s not a pupper at all. But more on that in like a minute.”

The top dog isn’t always an alpha male. In fact, it isn’t even always a dog. All kinds of animals survive by forming social bonds and working as a team, but sometimes survival requires a feminine touch, and sometimes that touch is actually a bone crushing bite. The predators that prowl the African Savannah are in for some tough competition, but the winners get more than a trophy. They get to continue on in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…And today we’re talking about a smol sea booger with a nasty sting. But more on that later.”

Australia is filled with lots of cute things, and also lots of deadly things. The irukandji jellyfish is that second part, but also a little bit of the first. At about the same size as a match head, these tiny terrors amble about around the waters of Western Australia. Anything or anyone unfortunate enough to brush up against this near-invisible squish bag will find themselves in a world of hurt at best, and a body bag at worst. So be careful in the water, because a cute little jellyfish just might take your Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…And today we are talking about a bird with an impressive wingspan and brutal hunting tactics. I would make a joke, but frankly, I’m scared of it.”

A bird who’s at home in the skies needs a body built for aviation. That means a light frame, hollow bones, and a wingspan wide enough to generate lift. But when a delicate bird of flight is also a bird of prey, those slight features need to be augmented by an arsenal of deadly weapons. Even the largest raptors could use inventive tactics in order to take down large targets. But you know what they say, the bold and unorthodox bird gets the worm, especially when that worm is more than twice your size, in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“And today we’re talking about a fish with a green fin, a bright personality, and a future with an upward trajectory, but more on that later.”

Beneath the sun soaked rivers of Hawaii, there dwells a fascinating fish with tenacious tendencies. After being born, the Stimpson’s Goby is swept out to sea, far from its ancestral home. But major changes to its body force it to return to the land of its forefathers to find the food it so desperately craves, and that means surmounting some huge Hawaiian obstacles. But the Goby fish shows us that we too can face our mountains here in Life Death and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about Australia’s version of a monkey, which is of course a marsupial. Way to play to the stereotypes, Australia. I guess there’s no improving on a classic.”

Imagine you’re high up in the rainforest canopy, munching on some of your favorite foliage when all of a sudden, you hear the rustle of some leaves and the snap of a twig. You wheel around to find that a python, with cold, steely eyes has slithered into your domain. You act quickly and nimbly run away to the edge of the branch until there is no where else to go. The python, undeterred, decides to go out on a limb in the hopes of scoring a meal. What would you do? What could you do? Well, there’s arboreal mammal that would not be out of options in such a scenario. But bold and daring tactics are exactly the qualities a tree denizen needs to make it Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…And today we are talking about the most amazing animal that comes second place in two categories and first place in one!”

When your big and cold blooded, maintaining the right temperature can be a challenge, especially when you live on a continent that sees a wide range of temperatures. But for one primordial reptile in whom the will to survive runs deep, adaptation takes on a whole new meaning in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.