Life, Death, and Taxonomy

“…and today…yeah, we’re talking about a really beautiful animal… But more on that later.”

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but you need more than wit to stake your claim in the animal kingdom. The ocean is a vast place, so you wouldn’t think that finding a place to live would be hard. But in a coral reef, there are so many animals vying for space that real estate comes at a premium. The sarcastic fringehead is the ogre of the ocean, vehemently defending its home with a mouth straight out of a sci-fi horror movie where it greets others with a brotherly kiss. But being a grouchy homebody is how this fish survives here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we are talking about a rip van winkle for the ages. But more on that later.”

What if you could talk to someone from thousands of years ago? What could they tell you about the world and what it was like to navigate through it? Researchers in Siberia are asking similar questions. Unfortunately, the one with the answers is a tiny animal called a rotifer, and it doesn’t know how to talk. Sometimes, not even eons on ice can snuff out Life, Death, and Taxonomy. 

“…and today we are talking about an ant that is absolutely canceled. But more on that later.”

In Pixar’s A Bug’s Life, the ants are the good guys, but studying ants shows that ants aren’t exactly on the right side of history. If you didn’t already know that the bug world was a brutal one, the habits of the slaver ant should clue you in. An entire species that completely depends on the subjugation of another is par for the course in our fallen world, but it’s how the slaver ant survives here in LDT.

“…and today we are talking about some sleepy mountain rodents, but more on that later.”

If your circumstances are difficult, sometimes it helps to sleep on it. When you wake up, you’ll feel renewed and ready to tackle life’s challenges. That’s exactly what the yellow bellied marmot does, and his biggest problem is winter. But high-altitude frost is nothing an eight-month nap can’t fix in Life, Death, and Taxonomy. 

“…and today we’re talking about an assertive insertive fish in the sea. But more on that later.”

The ocean is full of situations where animals work together toward a common goal. Whether it’s finding food, fighting off predators, or setting up a place to live, it’s important to pick your underwater teammate carefully. However, while its sea cucumber partner is—less than willing to participate, the persuasive pearlfish worms its way into the heart of its new best friend whenever danger rears its ugly pinhead. But sometimes, being a prairie doggin’ pearlfish is the way to survive here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about a boss that puts the team on his back. But more on that later.”

In everyday life, it’s often necessary to wear many different hats. You’re a student, an employee, a parent, and more. In nature, it’s no different. While it’s rare for animals to wear actual hats, the sponge crab takes on the roles of bus, master of disguise, and true, bonafide hat wearer. Of course, that’s just undersea fashion in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about an arboreal ignoramus. But more on that later.”

Way out in the land down under, a famous little gray puff gremlin spends its days as a literal tree-hugger. Like its equally famous black and white counterpart in China, the Panda, the Koala is a threatened cutie that eats terribly, sleeps a lot, and gives its kids a good ol’ fashioned fecal smoothie in order to not die from the poison it eats every day. But as we often tell our kids, sometimes you gotta find a way to eat your leafy greens here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy..

“…and today we’re talking about a tiny barrel in the sea. But more on that later.”

Humans, like many animals, go through a familiar generational cycle. Your parents made you and their parents made them. But when you look closer, so close you can see the tiny things floating in the sea, things start to get much more complicated. What if your parents were sort of your siblings, and your grandma was your car? That’s what would happen if you were doliolida drifting through Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“…and today we’re talking about an ice cold krill killer. But more on that later.”

The trend of swimming in cold water for health benefits is doggy paddling its way into the public zeitgeist. But what if you absolutely had to live in freezing waters in order to survive? The crocodile icefish lives up to its name by living down in the depths of the Antarctic Southern Ocean. But how does a cold blooded fish not turn into a popsicle at such extreme temperatures? Well, it’s all in their blood and sometimes you just need a lot of it to survive here in Life, Death, and Taxonomy.

“And today we’re talking about a reptile that’s coming in our state trying to take our rabbits! But more on that later…”

A “fish out of water” is someone who feels out of place because their surroundings are not suitable for their designed purpose. The Burmese python is out of place in Florida, but, unfortunately, it’s perfectly comfortable. Sometimes, an animal thrives in an environment that groans under the weight of its presence. But flourishing where you don’t belong is a great way to upset the balance of Life, Death, and Taxonomy.